On this page, I describe the three major programs I offer that are guaranteed to turn terrible marriages into terrific marriages. I've been tempted to break this page up into three pages just to make it easier to navigate. But because these three programs present a logical progression toward a successful outcome, I've kept them together. Try to stick with it until you come to the end.

Program #1: The simplest way to restore love to your marriage

In 1986 I wrote His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-proof Marriage, to help spouses identify and learn to meet each other's most important emotional needs. Six years later I wrote its companion book, Love Busters: Overcoming Habits That Destroy Romantic Love, to help couples avoid hurting each other.

Then, a year later, I wrote 5 Steps to Romantic Love, a workbook to help couples complete the assignments in the chapters of the first two books. It includes contracts, questionnaires, inventories, and worksheets that I've used in my counseling practice.

When couples read these books, answer the questions at the end of each chapter, and complete the assignments found in 5 Steps to Romantic Love, their love for each other is restored, and their marriage becomes terrific. Hundreds of thousands of couples from scores of countries are happily married today because they followed the advice I give in these books.

But the advice I offer must be followed. We all know what it takes to lose weight -- decrease food intake and increase exercise. All that's needed to be slim and trim is to follow a program of moderate eating and exercise. It's all about motivation. Follow the program and you lose weight.

My program of marriage recovery is exactly the same as most weight loss programs. Whenever it's followed, the marriage recovers. I know of no other program of marital recovery that can make that claim. In fact, if you follow the advice of most marriage recovery programs today, your marriage will not recover. That's why a 1995 Consumer's Report survey found marriage counseling to be the least effective form of psychotherapy. Only 16% found the experience to be helpful.

For those who complete my program of marital recovery, 100% find the experience to be more than helpful -- it solves their marital problems. But just like in dieting, the successful outcome depends entirely on motivation. Only those who are not motivated enough to complete the program fail.

So I have created several levels of support to help motivate couples to complete the lessons of His Need, Her Needs, Love Busters, and Five Steps to Romantic Love.

Program #2: The Marriage Builders^® Home Study Courses

The first level of motivation I provide is found in the home study courses I've written to accompany His Needs, Her Needs, Love Busters, and Five Steps to Romantic Love.

The two courses are His Needs Her Needs: Habits for a Lifetime of Passion and Love Busters: Overcoming Habits That Destroy Passion. The books, His Needs, Her Needs, Love Busters, and Five Steps to Romantic Love, come with Lesson Assignment booklets and audio CDs, where I personally guide you through each lesson and encourage you to complete it. These two courses are designed to help you understand the problems in your marriage, create plans to change habits that overcome those problems, and then practice those changes until your problems are solved.

Also included is a very brief video recording of me explaining my 10 Basic Concepts. This DVD should be viewed before beginning the courses to give you an overview of what you will be studying. These concepts are explained in much more detail as you complete the lessons, but you should know what's ahead before you begin.

If possible, you should understand and practice as many Basic Concepts as possible right from the beginning. For example, the Policy of Joint Agreement (Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse) is a rule that's essential to a good marriage. But it's not explained until the third lesson in the Love Busters course. If you know about that rule when you begin the very first lesson, it will make it much easier to solve the problems you face.

The same is true for the Policy of Undivided Attention (Give your spouse your undivided attention a minimum of fifteen hours each week, using the time to meet his or her need for affection, sexual fulfillment, conversation, and recreational companionship). That rule is not adequately presented until the sixth lesson of the His Needs, Her Needs course. And yet, it's implementation is encouraged in the very first lesson.

The 24 lessons of these two courses cover every conceivable problem that can exist in marriage. And based on your identification of the problems you face, you are able to create your own sequence of lessons that focuses attention on your most pressing problems first. In other words, you can customize the order of the lessons to make the courses especially relevant to your marriage.

When a couple completes the assignments of these two courses, their love for each other is restored, and their marriage becomes mutually fulfilling. In fact, I guarantee that outcome when the assignments are completed.

A Word of Caution: Don't spring these home study courses on your spouse!

When my wife, Joyce, and I were first married, I bought a product from Honeywell that was intended for newlyweds, but I didn't tell her about it until it arrived in the mail. It was a surprise.

Well, Joyce was not at all pleased when I opened the box. She felt ambushed. We weren't having any problems, but I thought it certainly couldn't hurt. I was wrong.

If that's how Joyce reacted when we were having a terrific relationship, can you imagine how your spouse might react if you are having serious problems. Instead of being encouraged by your interest in your marriage, your spouse might think you are trying to control him or her, and totally reject the idea of taking the courses.

So before you order, be sure that you have your spouse's enthusiastic agreement. If you discuss it with each other, and decide to take these courses together, you will already be practicing one of my very important basic concepts, the Policy of Joint Agreement.

There's even MORE information regarding the home study courses!

If I haven't put you to sleep yet, you may be interested in reading Getting the Most from the Courses and How to Get Started. I wrote these to be read just before couples begin the courses. But you may also find them useful in helping you understand what you will be doing if you decide to enroll.

Even though the courses may be purchased separately, I highly recommend that you use both of them. That's because making each other happy and avoiding what you do to make each other unhappy go hand-in-hand. The solutions to the problems raised in His Needs, Her Needs, provide support for solutions to problems raised in Love Busters, and vice-versa.

It will take you about a year to complete the assignments of both courses. But when you are finished, you will agree with me that it was one of the most valuable educational experiences of your life.

You may order both Marriage Builders^® Home Study Courses from the pages that describe each of them. The page describing the His Needs, Her Needs course can be accessed by clicking here, and the page describing the Love Busters course can be found here. While each of them can be ordered separately, I strongly recommend that you order them together. And to motivate you to do the right thing, I offer a significant discount when you order both courses.

Program #3: Marriage Builders^® Weekend

As motivating as the Marriage Builders^® Home Study Courses are to some couples, there are others who never open the boxes after they arrive. Or they only complete a few lessons before they become distracted and stop trying to solve their marital problems. And in most of these cases, it's only one spouse that is unmotivated -- he or she does not see the importance or urgency. I call that poorly motivated spouse the "reluctant" spouse, and I have spent most of my career as a marriage counselor working with that person to get on board.

When both spouses are motivated to solve the problems in their marriage, they are usually able to complete the courses with ease and don't need additional help. But for the rest of those who can't seem to find time to do the lessons, we have yet another level of motivation: The Marriage Builders^® Weekend which combines the Marriage Builders^® Seminar and Marriage Builders^® Accountability Program into a single and highly effective program of marital recovery. I will describe each of the two components of the program separately.

Program #3A: Marriage Builders^® Seminar.

One of the biggest motivational problems that some spouses face as they go through the lessons of His Needs, Her Needs and Love Busters is that they don't have the big picture. They don't grasp how each part of the program fits all the other parts. If one spouse doesn't understand how each lesson of these courses helps create a great marriage, how can he or she be motivated to complete the assignments? Where there's poor vision, there's often poor motivation.

So I've provided a way for you to have my entire program of marital recovery explained by me! I do that in the Marriage Builders^® Seminar where, in person, I take you through every one of my Basic Concepts. I try to give you my vision of why they're so important in marriage. And I also provide special encouragement to spouses who are reluctant to do much to improve their marriage. It enables both spouses to form the same vision and understanding of where their marriage should be headed, and gives them added motivation to accomplish it.

But the Marriage Builders^® Seminar does more than just give you the facts. It also helps you organize the problems you face so that you can solve each of them in a systematic way. By the time the weekend is over, you will have completed numerous questionnaires that are designed to help define your marital goals. The accountability program that is described next will help you achieve those goals.

Program #3B: The Marriage Builders^® Accountability Program.

I've found that those who experience a marriage enrichment seminar without solving the problems that were uncovered are at a greater risk for divorce than those who do not attend at all. So to avoid that tragic outcome, we insist that every couple that attends the Marriage Builders^® Seminar solves the problems that they identify by completing the home study course lessons that that address those problems, and we hold them accountable.

The Marriage Builders^® Accountability Program is designed to keep you motivated to complete the home study courses in the following ways:

1. You are assigned an accountability coach who will guide you through the lessons in the home study courses that address your marital goals.

2. Each week we will send by e-mail a survey to document your progress in solving your marital problems.

3. If your survey indicates that you are having problems with any of the lessons, your accountability coach will contact you by telephone to help you overcome those problems.

4. If you have questions or if you need encouragement, you may e-mail or talk to your accountability coach by telephone.

5. Each month, we will evaluate the progress you are making in depositing love units and avoiding their withdrawal by having you complete our Love Bank Inventory. The results will be kept in your permanent file to be revealed to you when the course is completed.

6. If you have a question for me (Dr. Harley) regarding a particular lesson, you may post it on a private section of the Marriage Builders^® Forum. I am usually able to respond in about a day. But before you do, read some of the questions that others have posted for that lesson. I may have already answered it.

Programs #3A and #3B -- the Marriage Builders^® Seminar and Accountability Program are not available separately. They must be purchased together in the registration fee for the Marriage Builders^® Weekend.

Three Ways to Register for Marriage Builders^® Weekend

I offer the Marriage Builders^® Weekend in two different forms. The accountability program is identical in each form. The only difference is in how the seminar is presented. One is with me in person, and the other is with me on video.

The most expensive, $1695.00, is with me in person in Minneapolis, Minnesota, and is offered four times a year. The alternative to a live presentation is the Marriage Builders^® Online Program that enables you to experience the Marriage Builders Seminar in the comfort of your own home by making videos of the seminar accessible to you. This option is at a cost of only $995.

If you purchase the Marriage Builders^® Home Study Courses, and then decide that you need the Marriage Builders^® Seminar and Accountability Program to get through the lessons, the price you paid for the courses will be deducted from your Marriage Builders^® Weekend registration fee.

Similarly, if you purchase the Marriage Builders^® Online Program, and you decide to attend one of the seminars that I offer in person, the price you paid for the Online Seminar will be deducted from the price of the Minneapolis Seminar registration fee.

If you feel that you should have a complete overview of my program delivered by me, and then you should be held accountable to complete the courses that will help you solve all of your marital problems, register for the Marriage Builders^® Weekend by calling toll-free 1-888-639-1639 (8:00 am to 12:00 noon CT M-F), or Register Online through our secure registration page.